Showing posts with label joke. Show all posts
Showing posts with label joke. Show all posts

Sunday, March 01, 2009

Long live Bachelors



Every man should get married some time; after all, happiness is not the only thing in life!!
--Anonymous
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Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men shouldbe happier than others.
--Oscar Wilde
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Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.
--Scottish Proverb
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I don't worry about terrorism. I was marriedfortwo years.
--Sam Kinison
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Men have a better time than women; for one thing, they marry later; foranother thing, they die earlier.--H. L. Mencken
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When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knowswhy. When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyonewonders why.
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Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.
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When a man opens the door of his car for his wife,you can be sure ofone thing: either the car is new or the wife.
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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back to home always.
--Anonymous
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I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for ouranniversary? " She said,"Somewhere I have never been!" I told her,"How about the kitchen?"
--Anonymous
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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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My wife was in beauty saloon for two hours.That was only for the estimate.
--Anonymous
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She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Thenthe mud fell off.
--Anonymous
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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I toolate for the garbage?"Following her down the street I yelled, "No, jump in."
--Anonymous
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Badd Teddy recently explained to me why he refusesto get to married.He says "the wedding rings look like minaturehandcuffs... .."
--Anonymous------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
If your dog is barking at the back door and yourwife yelling at the frontdoor, who do you let in first? The Dog of course... at least he'll shut up after ulet him in!
--Anonymous
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A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearlyparted mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to bepraying with profound intensity and kept repeating, 'Why did u have todie? Why did you have to die?" The first man approached him and said, "Sir,Idon't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain in ismore than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so? Deeply? Achild? A parent?"The mourner took a moment to collect himself, thenreplied "My wife's first husband."
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A couple came upon a wishing well. The husbandleaned over, made a wish and threw in a coin .The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leanedover too much, fellinto the well, and drowned. The husband was stunnedfor a while but thensmiled "It really works ! "

Sunday, November 09, 2008


THE INDIAN LETTER
A letter from an Indian mother to her SonMy dear Jagjit, I am in a well here and hoping you are also in a wellthere.I'm writing this letter slowly, because I know you cannot read fast.We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in thenewspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from home, so we moved 20miles.I won't be able to send the address as the last Sardar who stayed heretook the house numbers with them for their new house so they would not have tochange their address.Hopefully by next week we will be able to take our earlier address plate here, so that our address will remain same too. This place is really nice.It even has a washing machine, situated right above the toilet.I'm not sure it works too well. Last week I put in 3 shirts, pulled thechain and haven't seen them since.The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The firsttime it rained for 3 days and second time for 4 days.The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt said it would be a littletoo heavy to send in the mail with all the metal buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket.Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting thegrass at the cemetery.By the way I took Bahu to our club's poolside. The manager is Badmash. Hetold her that two piece swimming suit is notallowed in his club. We were confused as to which piece should we remove?Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it is agirl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle.Your uncle, Jetinder fell in the nearby well. Some men tried to pull himout, but he fought them off bravely and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.Your best friend, Balwinder, is no more. He died trying to fulfill hisfather's last wishes. His father had wished to be buried in the seaafter he died. And your friend died while in the process of digging agrave for his father.There isn't much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.Love Mom.P.S : Jagjit, I was going to send you some money but by the time Irealized,I had already sealed off this letter.

Friday, February 15, 2008

The Robot


One day Kyle's dad brought home a robot. The robot was special in that it could detect a lie and would slap the person who lied on the face.Kyle returned late from school that day and his dad asked him, "Son why are you late from school?" Kyle answered, "Dad, we had extra classes today". Much to his astonishment the robot jumped up and slapped Kyle on his face. His dad told him, "Son this robot is special in that it can detect a lie and will then slap the person who lied. Now come on tell me the truth. Why are you late?" "Dad, I went to a movie" "Which movie?" "The Ten Commandments" Immediately, Kyle got a slap on the face from the robot. "Sorry Dad, I went to see the movie Sex Queen". "Shame on you son, when I was your age I never watched obscene movies or misbehaved" Immediately, the dad gets a tight slap on the face from the robot.Hearing the last sentence, Kyle's mother comes walking out of the kitchen and sarcastically says to her husband, "After all he is YOUR son!!!" To which the robot steps up and gives Kyle's mother a resounding slap on her face! Hnnnnnnn?

Saturday, January 26, 2008

A Note From Hell


A man checked into a hotel in Pretoria . There was a computer in his room,
so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally
typed the wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent
the e-mail. Meanwhile ........somewhere in Cape Town a widow had just
arrived home from her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her
e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the
first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found
his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which Read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've arrived
Date: June 3, 2005

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and
you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and
have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your
arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then!
Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P.s. It is damn hot down here!!

Monday, April 16, 2007

Brain Pricing


In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill.
Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber.
"I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces.
"The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant.
It's an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope.
Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the
brain yourselves."
The family members sat silently as they absorbed
the news. After a great length of time, someone
asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?"
The doctor quickly responded, " R5,000 for
a male brain, and R200 for a female brain."
The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding
eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. A man unable to
control his curiosity, blurted out the question
everyone wanted to ask,
"Why is the male brain so much more?"
The doctor smiled at the childish innocence
and explained to the entire group, "It's just standard pricing
procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because
they've actually been used, the male brains are hardly ever used by the
owners. so they are as good as new"

Sunday, January 07, 2007

Women!


I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
David
Bissonette
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let
him keep her.
Sacha Guitry
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they
just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Hemant Joshi
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you
get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates
Woman
inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving
them.
Dumas
The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is,
"What does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Anonymous
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a
restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I
go Fridays."
Henry Youngman
"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
Sam Kinison
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic
banking. It's called marriage."
James Holt McGavran
"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the
second one didn't."
Patrick Murray
Two secrets to keep your
marriage brimming 1. Whenever you're wrong,
admit it, 2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Nash
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to
forget
it once...
Anonymous
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Milton Berle
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Anonymous
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he
received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have
mine."
Anonymous
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second Guy "You're lucky,
mine's still alive."

The ONLY exception to this is my wife... ask her.
Megaster.